Day 939

I don’t know how I failed the surgical shelf exam a second time but I did.
I think I’m pretty emotionless about it at this point. I’m more puzzled than anything.
I had all the time in the world, studied every review book and question bank I could get my hands on and I wasn’t anxious at all. Objectively it doesn’t make sense. If I was analyzing someone else in this situation I would be just as perplexed.
When I spoke with one of my advisers over the phone this afternoon, he adamantly questioned the validity of the extensive neuropsych testing I underwent. He believes that there is no way something can’t be wrong with my brain.
I don’t know what to believe. I look for answers and I come up empty handed so I look for answers again. And it never stops.
It’s comical really. All throughout med school, I’ve always heard people say things like “yeah but no one fails third year”. Well here I am with my toes hanging off the edge of that supposedly safe cliff, waiting for the slightest wind to push me over it.