Lately I’ve been pondering my motives for doing certain things. The biggest thing I’ve been thinking over is this next album and perhaps The Culprit Life in general. I started the blog/band with half a thought on the suggestion of a few friends. It wasn’t very serious. I didn’t think it would ever mean so much to me or provide for me such an important way to reflect on nearly everything that has and will transpire in a span of four years. The album is a little different in that I did plan to write a few EPs in med school but I didn’t think they would necessarily be shaped by my experiences in it so directly. All that to say, I’ve realized that I had been thinking in a rather self-centered way about this new album. I’d been thinking it will be something that will prove my worth in a way as an artist, showcase what songwriting ability I have, and provide me a gateway to share my work with more people. But that’s not why I wrote it at all and that’s not why I feel I should record it and ask people to listen to it. If it’s all about me, then I don’t think anyone should take the time to listen to it. The real reason I want to share these next batch of songs so badly has nothing to do with me, and I’ve come to realize lately that it really shouldn’t. It has everything to do with being a voice for people who have no voice. Specifically, medical students. Now that may seem absurd to many of you who’s sympathy is deadened for a group of mostly young people who could possibly be making six figures one day but right now, we’re not making six figures. In fact, most of us are in six figures worth of debt. And a lot of us come from lower-middle income class families. A lot of us were raised just like you. So do we deserve your sympathy? Maybe, maybe not. But I would argue that at least we deserve to be understood properly. At least we deserve a stage from which we can express what life is like inside of this machine. At least we deserve a voice.
Now, others of you (or perhaps the same ones), will think me pompous for proposing that what I’m doing/will do in the future is good enough to be called a voice for people beyond myself. And I will tell you that I was not the first to call myself that nor did I actively plan to become one. Nor am I saying that I’m the best one for the job or that what comes out of me will be brilliant. All I’m saying is that I’ve been put here at a rather peculiar point in my life where there is a decision to be made between doing something out of self-centeredness or out of a spirit of advocacy for those the public rarely hears from. And I am choosing to do the latter, not because I’m a more noble person but because I’ve tried the former already and discovered I can’t live with myself that way.